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Hello everyone, how have you been doing?
Does anybody want to ask me out?
I have still not much idea what to do on weekends.
My sister asked if i had any food cravings but i still don't know how to answer
Besides going to church ( where there are many pretty girls wearing nice dresses to look at ) on sunday, i always have nothing planned!
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So anyways to compensate for my lack of activity... here is a wordy update sprinkled with Gifs.
( 뜨거운 감자 )

Reason #5983268 why Jensen is my favorite.

ASDKDFGFGHJ HIS THIGHS. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW, JENSEN.

*HYPERVENTILATES*

Tags: j2 is ruining my life, jenny frackles
Current Mood: shocked

I've been searching for new bedding for about a year now, but I never seem to find anything I like in my room's color scheme or in my price range. I've got a lot of matching blue/green/brown going on right now and I don't want to have to buy new coordinates in addition to new bedding. This, however, makes me want to throw all my greens and browns out the window. It's pretty damn expensive at over $300, and while I used to cringe at orange, I think it's really gorgeous here with the aqua and blues. Fresh and bright. And the predominant color is not white, for once! My inability to keep things stain-free rejoices! I think I'll be watching this for a sale very closely. :D

Gingko and Lotus Bed Dressing @ Acacia

Tags: my room, window shopping
Current Mood: working

( FOURTH OF JULY! )

Current Music: Bob Dylan - Hurricane | Powered by Last.fm

we held hands as we watched the flashing lights from four cop cars, two fire/rescue vehicles, and two tow trucks. the car that crashed was exactly like your friend's, and even though i can't stand them, i'm so glad it wasn't them.

interesting 4th for sure.

I do not expect you to understand, neither am i allowed to explain or exclaim on the things i have gone & still have to go through

My predicament is long drawn, played out & far from over.

I now know what exactly it is i have to do
I need to snap out of it
As bible-ey as i hate to sound
I need to not worry about tomorrow, be joyful always & give thanks in all circumstances
:)

I'm in a much better place than I was last week. Much, much better. Most of that I owe simply to time, but I feel a lot better after finishing my Ruby mix. It had been laying around for two weeks half finished due to all the stuff that came up, and it really only got started in the first place due to a lot of handholding from operantbehavior, who is a doll for telling me my weird asymmetric dirty scrapbook art wasn't a disaster. It felt really good to be able to talk about something creative after having a massive creativity block bog me down and beat me up for most of this year.

So, that said, I had this crazy idea to get creative with my lack of creativity, and this list, which very small and incomplete for being many, many years in the making, happened. Self-serving, yes. Interesting, maybe. Regardless, here are a few mix ideas that just never made it* and some commentary on why, with bonus uploads of the songs that started them all in the first place!

*obviously does not include mixes that are in the works. I like to keep things under wraps. :3

( five mixes that weren't (at least, not yet). )

Comments, song suggestions, and/or strange looks are always welcome. :D

Tags: lists, mixtalk, music, thinky thoughts
Current Mood: thoughtful

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This is not good, not good at all i tell you...
Damn you Mayday video that i have hyperlinked in the closing statement of this post!
Damn you to hell !
Hey Lj.... It's 2 am and i am semi-depressed and half awake
Basically because i have totally no idea on how to spend my weekends productively.
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When in camp,
i keep my spirits up by counting down the days to my book-out day.
A smile reaches across my lips at the thought of outside food, people i am going to meet, movies i am going to watch & of course TR.
The airport is nearby so whenever we are outdoors doing physical training, passenger planes flying overhead would be a common sight.
I get myself out of the "zone" as much as i can.
Imagining where that particular plane would be flying off to
Be it South Korea(where DBSK & Amarisse live!), London(where Sir Alex Ferguson & Lauren live) or the great U.S of A(Masi Oka & the rest of TR)
It gives me a little emotional boost that i will one day be free to go as and where i like
This promise of freedom makes me want to work harder at my PT somehow
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A couple of hours & a whole lot of sweat later... the day is over
Rinse, rest, repeat 4 times and it is book out day!
My fellow soldiers & I pick up our things that we want to bring back for washing, suit up and head off 
cheering and jeering at those who are still stuck in camp as we march to the terminal to wait for our transport back to the mainland
" Today is my book out day, Book out book out! Today is my book out day, Book out book out day !"
Our spirits are soaring, finally we don't have to take shit from our superiors anymore. we are back in charge of our lives for the weekend.
Party hard fellas! Whoo! Remember to use protection dudes !
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It is a different story for me.
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I don't join in the festivities & would keep to myself all the way to the drop off point.
I stay silent as my platoon mates discuss where they would like to go drinking or clubbing later on at night.
Where and when they are going to meet & screw their significant others.
My head spins slowly but surely & my thoughts are sparse.
With my mind's eye i'd see some of these thoughts in little skits, each one less than a minute long :

" I am going home too, aren't i?
Back home to mother, mei, uncle kiang?
Am i not going back to LJ, TR. IRL friends?
Am i not once again going to be psalm1special and not just another fucking recruit ? "
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I do not understand my state of mind / emotional well being !
" Isn't it a blessing that both my mother & i do not have to worry about finances & lodging for the next two years despite the recession?
Isn't it great that the time i spend away from home is less than a week, unlike in other countries where they have real wars? "
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Yes, yes yes. yes! YES!!!!
Then what is it? what is this sinking feeling in my gut?
How come i am so discontent.
The monotony of regimentation & physical adjustments i have gotten used to & grown to accept as beneficial for my body's well being.
The food at the cook house ain't that bad, i do feel okay that i do not have a significant other unlike many of my platoonmates...
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I don't get it, it's like i have gotten so used to army life that i am losing touch with the "real world"
The question of "What i am to do with my future" is looming like a dark cloud at the end of the horizon in this 2000 acre plain, but my logic tells me it is bearable for now.
Maybe it is my fear that i would become a fit boring guy that only speaks in army lingo and lose all my creative juice along with the pounds i'm shedding.
Maybe it's because i am still bothered by the fact that i now take an extremely long period of time to order food for myself
reason being that i have only had to respond "yes sir" & "no sir" for the whole week so much so that i am partially incapable of making independent decisions
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Maybe because it's 3am & i've played thisvideo one too many times
Maybe i need to sleep after a long week of sun exposure.
Maybe i`ll delete this post tomorrow when i wake up and feel silly.
Goodnight.

Finally, this thing is done. It's weird, but it's done. The art... is nothing like Ruby at all, I know. I know when I think of Ruby, I think of scrapbooking! I blame the fact I had Sound of Water and Girl Disappearing on repeat while I was making it, the tracks that sparked the idea for a Ruby mix in the first place. It may look feminine, but the art reads sadder to me than I originally intended. Dead things, faded. Tangled up. As much of a contradiction as Ruby herself was. Ruby was such a strong, misunderstood character and I hate that the writers gave her the shaft like they did in season 4. I mean, she was around for two seasons and yet we know more about Castiel and his host than we ever did about her. To me, there's a fine line between deliberate opaqueness and lazy writing, and Ruby was definitely a victim of the latter.

So consider this dedicated to what Ruby could've been, my way of fixing two seasons of missed opportunities with her character. To me, Ruby was an agent on a mission. Dangerously single-minded, enough of a fanatic to see it through to the end, no matter how hard it was, how long it took, or how much of herself she lost in the process. Because to her, it's not like there was much left to lose, anyway. The mission was her and she was the mission, there was nothing else.

Tags: fanmix, fanmix:spn
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Hans Zimmer - To Every Captive Soul

Last week indeed got much, much worse. Good riddance, June. :(

I hate that I only ever journal about the bad things. It's not that everything is so terrible and horrible, except when it is, but the good kind of gets swept under the rug when spectacularly shitty things happen. Like last week, for instance. Last week started off really awesomely! I just didn't get a chance to talk about it before the ceiling fell in.

On the 21st, Val, Gret, Rei, Jon, David, and I all went to go see Distant Worlds: Final Fantasy in concert at the Dallas Symphony Orchestra. It was, simply put, amazing. I'm not even a fan of the games, but I am a fan of awesome orchestral music and the show delivered that in spades. I think the only two pieces they played that I'd heard before were Liberi Fatali and One Winged Angel from VII, but I loved the whole set. Aeris's Theme nearly made me cry, and I've never even played the game! It was just that gorgeous and moving. I'm usually not a fan of live music, but there's definitely something to be said for the emotional experience of it. Feeling like you're a part of the music makes it so much easier to lose yourself in it and just feel.

The conductor was a huge nerd himself, which shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did. They played a trailer for FF XIV, the MMO, which I think Jon might've combusted over. We also got a "very special message" from Nobuo where he asked us if we were enjoying the show, and if we liked ping pong while he was practicing his ping pong serve. Apparently, Nobuo REALLY likes ping pong. Not gonna lie, he was kind of adorable. :D

After the show, I had to be dragged away from David's friend Katie because we got caught up in a fangirling loop over SPN and Jensen... okay, mostly Jensen! So Jon says, I was called after repeatedly, but nothing was heard by me over the squeals of mutual fangirling. We are a force to be reckoned with!

That night I was delirious on lack of sleep and Bacardi when they made me make a self-sim on David's Sims 3 game. I got bitched at for taking too long, but she turned out pretty! I fought my urge to make an Evil, Inappropriate, Insane sim, so I think the traits I gave her were Perfectionist, Hopeless Romantic, Excitable, Inappropriate, and Bookworm. Very accurate, if not very exciting. The goal was to put all of us in a house and have us fight to the death or something. The problem was, everyone made their self-sim too much like themselves, so we all read, used the computer, played video games, and watched tv so much that we never even interacted with each other! fml. D:

Oh, and I found the Movies in Fifteen Minutes book at the Half-Price Books we went to before the show! Reading material for plane rides and lines at Comic Con, A++!

I have very few pictures from the show that I haven't had a chance to resize yet, but I'll try to post them tonight when I get home. I still really, really suck with my not-so-new-anymore DSLR camera. Hoping that five days of being a non-stop shutterbug at Comic Con will fix that!

Tags: 2009 hates me, deaths, travel:ff concert
Current Mood: sleepy